Vaughan Smith, aka one half of Fletch and Vaughan from The Edge radio station shares HIS thoughts on some of the current beauty trends!

Short pixie crop hair cuts on women?
Nice look indeed, especially if you are a pixie, I mean it’s your cut. If I saw a pixie with long mermaid curls I’d say “Look you’ve got your mythological hairdo, stick to it” I think every wahine should try the pixie crop at some stage. Hair grows back right? 4 words, Natalie, Portman, Emma, Watson.

Red lipstick?
Not too red. Makes it look like you’ve been messily om nom noming a raspberry popsicle. That or you’ve just made a blood sacrifice, tasted a little of the hemoglobin & plasma & forgot to wipe your mouth. If you’re really pale and you wear dark red lipstick it looks like you’ve eaten a blood popsicle x5.

Fake tan?
We can all see it’s fake. People don’t go orange in the sun, you’re thinking of oranges. They go orange in the sun. You just look foolishly foolish. While people watch Jersey Shore because it’s trainwreck TV, they think you watch it for fashion tips. Plus we’re heading out of summer; no one has a tan in winter. Apart from snow sports folk & people who escape to the islands.

Black nail polish?
Very grungy isn’t it? We all had moment at high school where we were bored with a vivid and coloured in our fingernails for a laugh, but it was the 90s and it was a laugh. But if you’re a goth or one of the 5 emos left in NZ, then knock yourself out. Black goes with everything, especially your hatred of all things that aren’t.

False lashes?
Unless you’re in an eyelash commercial then I’d probably not bother, if your eyelashes hit your eyebrows we know they’re fake. False eyelashes are up there with putting so much mascara in your eyelashes it goes all clumpy. Eeeeew, and when you get drunk & cry (inevitable) that shit is going EVERYWHERE!

Brazilian waxes?
Brazil is great. They gave us Brazil nuts, that massive Jesus statue, Mardi Gras, Samba, a bevy of football legends with singular names, Adriana Lima and most famously The Brazilian. Bless them for all of their fantastic contributions to the world. (If you hadn’t picked up on it, big fan)

Botox?
Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesus, Botox… why? Awful. Apparently it was initially developed with a medical purpose, I’m all for that, but to remove a line because you don’t want to look your age? Lame attack. Age gracefully, we’re all aging, injecting a poisonous paralyzing agent is the worst way to say “WHAAAAAAAT HAPPENED TO MY YOOOOOOOOOUTH?” ever…

Vatooing/Vajazzling?
I’ve never stumbled across either of these, thankfully. Because having felt bejazzling, it’s what I imagine a herpes outbreak to feel like, so if I was putting my hand in someone’s pants and I felt the Herp-azzling I’d be departing. Buuuuuuuuuuuuut… if I was forewarned then I guess they would be filed under “interesting” there would need to be some research undertaken. Tattoos on our around the vagina are a scary thought. I’ve seen a Homer Simpson tattoo on a vagina before on the internet, while… um.. googling the Simpsons, yeah, that’s what happened. That was awful. Put me off Vaginas and Homer Simpson for all of 25 minutes. I just can’t imagine anything classy or tasteful enough to be tattooed in the neither regions personally. So I’ll take a pass card.

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